Independent women: When should we (cough!) start praying for marriage??
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
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Photo Credits: www.lindaikejisblog.com
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Let me just jump on the back of this
elephant in the face-me-I-slap-you:
Marriage.
(Maybe if we repeat the word long
enough… it will finally stop wielding the remote-control power it has over our people)
Marriage.
Marriage. Marriage. Marriage.
Marriage. Marriage.
There!
(Frankly, it is tiring typing the
same word over and over)
******
Our elder sister a la blogging – Linda Ikeji – threw a bomb this week. I encountered it via Facebook.
We all remember how she’s flaunted
to everyone about her hard-work, and having clawed her way to the top. By
herself. As an independent woman. And she has never in the past been one to shy
from exhibiting the fruits of her success. (Hey… it’s not ‘va-va-voom’. She worked for it)
Hate her or love her (and her blog
‘content’), you cannot take away her perseverance, consistency and
sheer-doggedness.
Which is why many were shocked when
she released a video yesterday, stating her honest wish for her birthday this
year: Marriage. A good man, regular sex, a zoo of kids, to be someone’s wife,
etcetera, etcetera.
Again, hand it to her: She has guts,
spilling her true desires. As Nigerians will say, “She get mind shaa”.
(Me, I cannot even cross the same
road with my crush. I’d just hide in the bushes; or fizzle into blissful
nothingness.)
I have a confession to make: my
interest was not entirely in her anniversary speech.
Ah. I just opened a pack of my fish
biscuits and went to the comments section.
(Hay lord! Nigerians = No Chill)
It was as though the frustration
meted on us all by this horrible economy and terrible inflation was unleashed
in the comments section. Especially from the male brethren.
They ranted. They raved. They ranted
some more. They clawed at her. They came back, ranting. They clawed. And raved.
When my biscuits were finished… I
got more.
The comments kept me going all
night. Clinton and Trump took the night off.
Most reminded Linda of that time she sang about how she did not need a man, and retorted that she should go ‘marry’ herself.
(Ok… that is me paraphrasing it. Nicely.)
Others advised her to sell off her
riches, and transition into a yam-pounding, house-cleaning prayer-warrior(ing), wife-material(ish) church rat.
Some cautioned her pouring out her
desire to settle down with a ‘good man’ (whose brother is the bad one please?),
and sneered at what they perceived as feigned humility.
May I not sound like a prophetess of
doom; I probably saw about 2.5 ‘nice’ comments. But even the niceness was one kain, as they commended her for
speaking up, while admonishing her for not praying enough for marriage on time,
finally advising her to “take anyone you
see”.
(Chai.
You see why I nor get mind like sista Li-Li??)
This post is not to argue for or
against whether she has sold out on the ‘independent woman’ phenomenon (and
feminism) by tabling her innermost desires for a life-mate. It is not my place.
She has her life to live, she is an adult, and is entitled to wish for what she
desires. There is nothing wrong in wishing to be someone’s wife. Just as there
is nothing wrong in not wishing to be someone’s wife…
Stop.
“There
is nothing wrong in not wishing to be someone’s wife??” In this our
society ke? Fa-fa-fa…'foawl'!
If there is one thing I know for
certain, and which I equally gleaned from the comments, it is that we (i.e. the humans in this society) are still a looooooooooooong way from accepting that there are persons
– females – who may never get married, or never place marriage as
a priority in their life’s bucket-list. Yet, they would be fulfilled in their
own way, without their husbandless state, being (necessarily) attributable to
the prowess of their community witch.
Confused much?? Let me break it
down…
The only ‘reservation’ which I had
in the whole of Linda’s birthday presentation was her apologizing for pouring
the past 5-6 years into building her career/brand, and explaining that she is
now ready to settle down with the giver of regular action.
(You should have read
the crazed frenzy. It was as though a pot of Fahrenheit was poured over a heap of already dancing flames).
So, this is me, clarifying it for
some ambitious, but quite confused young school-leaver (or anyone else at all):
There is NOTHING to apologise for in
working hard and investing in your future.
If marriage is something you desire,
and wish to pray for, you may begin your praying from the time of your
conception as a foetus. It does not prevent you from building your career or
your business. Both are not necessarily mutually exclusive i.e. praying and
working on your chosen career path. A little multi-tasking never killed anyone.
And if marriage is not your cup of
tea – or is not forthcoming – by all means, invest in yourself. Build your
career. Save humanity. Conquer the world.
I know this society may not want you
to be great like that, so that even if you discovered the cure for Cancer,
while leaping from Mount Everest and building a bridge from Kotangora to San
Fransisco, the greatest accolade you’d hear will be “But are you married?”
And I’d often ask: what if one met
society’s requirement, married at 25 years old, had four or five beautiful
children…. and all children with spouse had passed on before the person was
even 50 years old??
“IT IS NOT MY PORTION!” you quip, as you twirl your arms round your
head and do the signature ‘tufiakwa!’ snap of
fingers.
I agree with you. It is not your
portion. (Before you will refuse to come back and read my next post)
Just as it was not the portion of my
Jamaican god-mother. But it happened to her anyway. Bottom-line is, no one can readily
predict the future. All we have is now.
So there is nothing wrong in praying
for a life partner, and desiring a family. Just as there is nothing wrong in
not wanting a life partner, and preferring to be independent.
It should be a live-and-let-live
society. I still hold the hope that someday, just as we are seeing the light
and gradually accepting that there is no superiority in male children over
female children, we will come to accept that married or not, every person has the
capability to achieve the greatest heights of success, be a huge blessing to
humanity, and (truly) live in and leave this world happy.
If you do not agree with me, please, goan argue with your chewing-stick. Or
your broken bathroom tap.
(The End).
Paz,
Meg.
P.s. In Entertainment, there is
nothing like bad publicity. If asked, I’d say the nasty commenting boosts
Linda’s ratings, and increases traffic to her blog. Just like droplets of
water, bouncing off a scorched rock.
I gather she just opened a music studio, right?
Oh well, what do I know…
P.p.s Happy Birthday L.I. May we all searching for our (perfect) perpetual action controller, not have our expectations cut short. Amen.
P.p.s Happy Birthday L.I. May we all searching for our (perfect) perpetual action controller, not have our expectations cut short. Amen.
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