I love me my LinkedIn. Above
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or any other gram, LI remains my favourite app.
I know, I know… it is full of over-achieving
geniuses: super-babies, who earned doctorates at 14 years old, and numerous entrepreneurs
who built million-dollar companies from nothing, in less than 2 months.
El Oh El.
Asides the ‘window-dressing’, I
find LinkedIn really educative and interesting, throwing up diverse areas for
discussions, and providing fodder for writing content.
Like the other day, when I was
casually strolling through its streets, and bumped into this very interesting
poser posted by former school-mate and celebrated Nigerian-Canadian STEM
wonder-woman, Prof. Rita Orji:
My initial reaction was haq! haq!!
haq!!! at the terror of the curve-ball
served by those precious kids. I mean, one would be prepared to answer all
things technical about science, technology, finding undergrad scholarships, and
winning as a woman in a male-dominated field. But who knew the poor kids had
far bigger pressing issues right before them, of staving off boys and the lure
of social media’s sinking hole?
So I promised this post in response
to these questions. Not that I am an expert in fighting temptations
distractions, but I have decided to pen down this response for future
references, when our mentees (and even daughters) raise these questions again.
Here goes…
Boys
One thing we learn as lawyers is
the ability to help clients find solutions to their problems by themselves,
rather than foist an omnibus solution, which may turn out to not really be what
they want.
Questions like “why do you think this is a mistake?”, or “what would you really prefer?” help point out to clients what
their desired course of action really is.
This is the perfect opportunity to apply
these skills.
I would start by asking the girls “why
do you think boys are a distraction?” Because for me, the answer to
their question lies in this question.
It is likely that the answer will
revolve around something like “so that I
can concentrate on my books, and make good grades”. Voila! That’s the
teaching moment right there.
Start with letting them know that
this is ALL the reason to place ‘boys’ on the back burner; at this stage of
their life, their education (and personal development) is what really matters.
Their grades are capable of
determining the trajectory of their life, such that while they may WILL
have several opportunities to enter into (not so platonic) relationships with
the boys, they have only this opportunity to score the best grades for their
present level, and move on to the next.
It is placing this understanding at
the top of their minds that will enable them firmly say no to casual
invitations to ‘night out with the boys’, while remembering that that time
could be better applied in searching for scholarships, or finishing a term-paper.
This is not to ignore that puberty
builds the army of butterflies, which begin to signal weak knees from passion
for one’s love interest or crush. Heck, at 15, I could only dream about my
wedding to Keanu Reeves.
(I still nurse that dream, till date)
*wistful sigh*
We should let them know that it is
ok to acknowledge these feelings/emotions. But as aspiring adults, who would be
required to prioritise every facet of life in adulthood, now is the time to
practice prioritising, by placing education above the allure of ‘boys’.
And for the ones who have commenced
relationship with boys already, it does not automatically equal failure in all
things books. I mean, people have met the love of their lives in high school, while acing their grades... right??
The only thing however is that this
would require firmer (and more committed) prioritising, in that clear
timetables must be allotted and abided by for studying and school work, to be
juggled with ‘relationship-time’. The need for this schedule to be strictly observed cannot be over-emphasised, and if one must be sacrificed at any
point, it should DEFINITELY not be the books.
I repeat, the boys will ALWAYS be there.
On a final note, you can also throw
in that whatever attention they think they are getting from boys now, will be
nothing compared to the attention when they have grown into older, much more
beautiful and self-assured women, gallantly slaying in their chosen career fields.
Na dem go dey run from ‘dem bois’.
Social Media
Ok, I do not have to reach into my inner
lawyer to answer this one.
It goes without saying that what
was originally created to add ‘flavour’ to human existence, has morphed
into an avenue for major distractions. Even we adults struggle with this,
daily.
Unfortunately, social media is a
relatively new phenomenon, which old goons like me did not have to navigate
during our early adolescence. (The most of our “entertainment” was in
hard-cover novels and black-and-white tee-vees, with horrible horrible reception)
However, and truthfully speaking, even as an adult, I have had to deliberately re-define my
relationship with social media, in order to harness the communication and
informational advantages it presents, while diminishing its negative interference
in my work and personal life.
(Oh... social media can hold your life to ransom, if you let it)
So I’ll share some personal hacks I have developed over time, which curtail my social media activities. Maybe it
can help these kids too.
Deliberate “Socialising”: One must consciously refrain from joining EVERY social media
platform out there, so as to avoid spreading one’s self too thin. For younger
persons, one platform (two at the tops) is sufficient, especially considering
that these social media platforms are not likely to add real value to their
academic growth and self-development, at this stage.
Notifications: This is one hack which permanently works for me. You know those red
flashing lights, which always prompt you to pick your phone, then suck you down
the rabbit hole for three hours doing absolutely nothing? Simply go to your
phone’s settings, and turn off notifications for your social media platforms.
This way, you only see new notifications, when you specifically search for them
in the particular app
(Now you understand that I was not
just ignoring your Instagram shout-out)
Carry reading material around: The biggest culprit in distraction through social media is
the mindless scrolling through the feed, to kill time. But this scrolling
causes addiction, to more scrolling. One way to counteract this is carry a book
or magazine in your bag, so that when one is bored, rather flip out the phone,
you bring the book or magazine to begin reading.
Wear wristwatches: Wearing an actual time-teller reduces the incidence of you looking
down on your phone for the time, and getting unnecessarily distracted.
Strict timetables: Again, this works for me a lot, especially when I have looming
deadlines or important projects. I generally allot a certain time for social
media during the day, and schedule strictly guarded 5 - 10 minute breaks to
scan through social media for updates. You may say even that I take it too far,
as during work most times, my data is off. I get emails on my laptop, and
important messages reach my actual text messages, or phone calls.
Just like the prioritising in boys,
there is need to prioritise in Social Media.
Complete breaks: From time to time, I take total breaks from my social media platforms,
to focus on personal projects. This is either by deleting the apps off my
phone, or deactivating my accounts. If the girls genuinely think that social
media is a distraction, perhaps, they could take complete breaks when exams are
approaching, and resume after.
No social media?? I know; I sound like the evil Auntie from the Wild-Wild-West, for
suggesting that adolescents stay back in the 1990s. But there is need to
remember that the most important thing at this stage of their lives is their
education. Social Media will do little to nothing in adding to this, unless
(perhaps) LinkedIn, which they still may be considered a bit too young to
independently navigate. So wicked auntie-ish as it may sound, I would certainly
proffer this as a possible solution.
While I cannot beat my chest or
tout my ‘skills’ as a relationship and/or social media navigator, I hope this
helps in guiding adolescents (and even you adult reading this) on navigating
the possible distractions, which relationships and social media may pose.
Have other suggestions?? Please
share them below.
Paz,
Meg.
Photo-Credits
1. www.unsplash.com - Priscilla Du Preez
2. www.linkedin.com - Rita Orji
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