When I heard Michelle Obama was releasing a memoir,
on her journey to becoming the great Madame Obama we know, it was never a
question of "if" I was buying the book. It was when.
Thankfully, I got it from one of my brothers as one
of my last year's birthday gifts (he's an avid Michelle fan too). I stashed it
away for when I'd go on my no-laptop vacay, to soak in the awesomeness it was.
And I was not disappointed.
I was so filled reading her memoir, that till date,
I have not been able to put in enough words the effect it had on me.
The intersectionality of how closely my life mirrors
hers, and how I could draw lessons from her - a young black female lawyer in
North America, from an average middle-income family, with eyes and mind set on
achieving greatness... despite prejudicial and gender-based bars set in tow.
What struck me the most was the authenticity with
which she laid out challenges she faced. You know… those raw, vulnerable experiences
that power career women like us are horrified to share?
The struggles of conceiving children as a working
woman. The pain of being labelled as "manly", for exhibiting
strength. The unkindness of having every single action filtered through the eye
of the needle reserved for "uppity, black, women" who fail to
"know their place" and "watch their tone", in their quest
for progress, as their other counterparts. And the guilt in applying
opportunity cost, whilst balancing out family life with work life.
(Deep Sigh)
Michelle's memoir was raw, her vulnerability
refreshing.
Like a bobbing gold-fish, I kept nodding throughout
while reading it, almost screeching out "Yes!" in the plane, in
concordance with one shared anecdote or the other.
To be a bit of a critic though, the latter part of
the memoir became almost about Barack, and less about Michelle herself. But
should one be surprised?? After all... they are each other's better half, and
like it or not, the trajectory of her life was determined to a large extent by
her agreement to share the vision for his own life.
It was totally pleasing to see a documentary on the
book being released on Netflix, particularly during these "lockdown"
times.
(Anything to
ease our minds of the Rona, pleasssssssse!)
To relive parts of the memoir in living colour, and
be filled instantaneously both with pride and humility at what this home girl
from the Southside of Chicago has accomplished. Her not just being an appendage
to the once (still!) most powerful man on earth, but using her position to
effect real change in America, and touch the lives of (black) women worldwide.
The one part of her documentary (as was also
indicated in her Memoir) which has seemed to spark mixed emotions - both
outrage and applause - is her concession that having her children was a
sacrifice, which was a (sort of) set-back to her career.
I'm not sure what exactly the outrage is. Is it
because we as working women never ACTUALLY speak out on these things???
Ok. Let me break it down:
Let's say Woman A and Man B are both vying for the
Assistant VP position in a company, which position is sought to be filled at
December 2020.
In February 2020, Woman A takes one year off for her
maternity leave to focus on having her child.
Coincidentally, Man B's wife (working in a different company) also gave birth in February. However, rather than the one year Woman A had to take off, Man B took only 2 weeks’vacationpaternity leave, and was back in the office, bright and shiny for the rest of the year.
Guess who is more likely to be given that Assistant
VP position by the end of 2020?? Aha... your guess is as good as mine.
Not that Woman A is not valued, or that other
opportunities won't come. But the physiological, biological and physical
requirements of life had required her absence from work, thereby invariably
providing her male colleague an automatic advantage over her for that
particular role (which he would have to be a total bunkum to mess it up).
Except she is blessed with radically
forward-thinking superiors, who may assess her qualification for the role based
on prior experience before the mat leave year, it would be near impossible for
her to win the role.
And this is the conundrum Michelle summarily tried
to encapsulate, when she stated that having kids was a “concession” which required her to “tone down” her aspirations
and dreams – especially in light of
being an equal (professionally) to Barack.
Perhaps, it is the unprecedented candour of her
statement, which has made it jarring, and open to negative interpretation to
mean she regrets having kids. (*rolls
eyes*)
If you read the whole memoir however, you will find
that she struggled (and worked hard) to conceive, so that it is unthinkable
that one would regret that which one has worked so hard to beget.
Rather, and I believe it is true, my interpretation
of her statement is that making that concession to have kids may have affected
the professional ambitions she had at the time, without removing from the fact
that having kids was something she would not hesitate to do again in a
heartbeat.
That you acknowledge the price paid to gain
something does not mean you do not appreciate it. Rather, it just means you are
genuine enough to recognize the opportunity cost for it.
There is no shame in looking back and counting the
cost of a chosen course of action, while embracing the journey wholly.
This instead is the height of being true to one's
self, and is a constant reminder of the nature of one's journey through life.
So for every career woman who deals with the
(unnecessary) guilt of being torn between work and family commitments,
Michelle's "Becoming" is a strong reminder that you are not alone. That whatever
course of action you choose to take is valid. And that the only person who
needs to be convinced on what should consist of opportunity cost is You.
Irrespective of whatever sacrifice you determine is
required to be made at any point, rest assured you are already successful as
you are, for being bold enough to weigh in your options, and take whatever
steps you deem fit is required to be taken.
Well Done!
Paz,
Meg.
Photo-Credit: Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama (for the cover of her memoir "Becoming")
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